Tuesday 31 May 2011

Just A Thought...

In this day and age, why are women still labelled as 'Miss' and 'Mrs' yet men have no such devide?


DISLIKE.

Monday 30 May 2011

Love And Other Things

Well, first of all, on a love-related note....

Sorry, did I say love? What a joke.


The one person I love doesn't have enough balls to be in a relationship. He's had his chance.

And the one person who I could fall in love with... well, I'm not sure for sure but I'm pretty confident that he's not into the idea either.

And I've cut both of them off. I'm not stupid, I know the way to find out where you stand. Don't contact them, be off the visor and see what happens.... (Doesn't mean I have to like to results.)



So, my relationship is with my vibrator. And it isn't even a great relationship.

I demand it after weeks of not giving him any care or attention (Yep, decided it's a male vibrator.) and then use and abuse him until his batteries have worn down.

This mainly equates to about ten times in a row until both him and me are shuddering and worn out.


I've also agreed once more to an attempt of someone to set me up. Now, if anyone has read my previous posts, you'll know that I have completely written off the idea of being set up, many a time.

Why now? I'm bad at saying no. Really. Bad.

I've also protested that this double-date affair is going to be a non-date. No mention of any kind of set-up or date or being single or relationship, etc, etc, etc.



Yep. I think I've fallen for it once again haven't I? Totally being conned aren't I? Great.

Thursday 26 May 2011

In Between....

Post coming up about when you get too old to get away with certain things....
Very much leading on from the last post in terms of speculation.

But. With more appealing topics that my sunglasses and my bike.


P.S. I have a man update that I need to tell all about.


Also, I wonder how crude I could get on this blog.... Would people be offended if occasionally I was a little more explicit??

Tuesday 17 May 2011

She Wore Pink Sunglasses

I've decided my tool to surviving the roads when cycling (Yep, still haven't evolved past the piece of scrap metal.) is my sunglasses.

They're wonderful. Pink hearts with darkened lenses. I purchased them from Portabello Road market a few years ago (therefore, they're vintage, right??) for a modest amount of money.



So, what's so special about these glasses I hear you ask. Do they have rearview mirrors attached? Have a pop up sign attached, warning people of my bad skill of staying in a straight line? Blow smoke signals? Blind drivers into stopping for me?

Nope. They're just pink heart, sunglasses. My 7 month old niece pulls them off rather well actually.

(If she was bigger then I'd definitely go as far as to say they'd look better on her than me.)


So these glasses are not magic. But. They lull people into the illusion that I'm younger than I am. They see bright, shaped glasses on a pink bike (didn't I mention that before?) and immediately '7 year old' springs to their mind. This means people stop for me, let me pass and generally are a lot more patient with my speed and slow progress.
I don't wear them purely for this reason though. I actually like to kid myself that they make me look cute. In an ever-so-ironic way.

It makes me wonder though, when do you stop being able to get away with these things? Are you ok to take on child-like qualities (and dress sense) until you're 25? 30? 40??

I think this may take longer to explore....

Friday 13 May 2011

Sentimental Mumbo-Jumbo (There Might Be A Point In There Somewhere)

Although it would be more than fitting if I were to drive a beautifully sleek convertible car, I'm afraid to say that actually, my way of getting to work... is cycling.

Now, I'd love to make out that this is down to being a super, mega, ethical, eco-babe.


It's not.


So this week, so far, I've cycled 74 miles. This sounds a lot but actually it's clearly not enough to shift my few extra pounds I have floating around my hips.

Anyway, this wasn't a post to complain about my personal body image. It was actually to rejoice on my motivational will-power to cycle that far everyday.

I'm not going to lie, it's not the most dignified of activities...slogging up a hill... holding on for dear life when going down a hill....

But it is feel-good. And the wind in my face (when it's not blowing bits of tree or flies into my mouth) feels amazing, freeing, just like I'm flying.

It's just something that really is....wonderful.

Wednesday 11 May 2011

Definition Of Glamour?

I'm wearing one sock and one slipper. It's a glamorous life I lead....

Saturday 7 May 2011

I Have A Love/Hate Relationship With.... Me?

I hate washing my hair.
I love having shaved legs.
I love having a minimal amount of pubic hair.
I hate having any more pubic hair than a Brazillian.

I love to masturbate to certain songs.
I love wearing skirts.
I love having deep, hot, baths and fully immersing myself in the water.

I love hearing the rain on my window when I'm in bed.
I hate watching the news.

I love putting on perfume before I go to bed.

Friday 6 May 2011

R.I.P Burt

Think my fave vibrator has given up the will to live :(

Monday 2 May 2011

I Dream A Dream....

I've recently come to describing a certain person, in my head, as dreamy.
(May I clearly point out, I'm calling them dreamy in my head- The person is not in my head).

I see his face and I literally swoon. I don't even know how to describe the act of swooning... Perhaps as a mix of swooping and groaning?

But dreamy? What point in madness must a girl be at when she's calling a guy, American Style, 'Dreamy'?

Maybe it means that I've had a brain-transplant with Barbie? And don't get me wrong, I love Barbie. I have her as a friend on FB, she's lovely. But that's how she describes Ken.

Maybe it means he's the guy for me? Or maybe it's just lust. I don't think I've been in lust for a long time...

OR, maybe it's that, finally, after all this time, I've actually lost my marbles.


Yup, that seems more likely.
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