Old. Young. New. Love.

Le Sigh.

Loving someone is a right old pain in the ass sometimes... I'm sure I could come up with a thousand different song lyrics to express myself right now but A) I'm not a teenage girl and B) He wouldn't like any of the songs I'd use anyway...

In other news, I'm working with a 52 year old model tomorrow. I'm not quite sure how to gauge this... I'm definitely not an anti-ageist when it comes to models but I have seen a few who definitely don't seem to be in the right field and this being a boudoir photoshoot I wonder how this will go.

Time to be enlightened!

Seeing Your Estranged Ex....

....brings about the same feelings as when there are people on a train near you punching walls, swearing and shouting abuse at people...

I don't think I need to explain further?

Forgive Me For Valentine's Day....

Had a typically clichéd girl Valentine's Day. Was actually rather unintentional.

We were like Lady and the Tramp but instead of Spaghetti Meatballs we had Curly Fries.
We sipped pink Champagne (until we ran out and reverted to boxed white wine) and ate sweets while watching that new Keira Knightly movie with all the spanking scenes... V lovely.

By the time we'd watched the film the Champagne was gone and I told my girl about those unfortunate movies I'd found (refer to last blog post).

People might think that we engage in strange activities together but it's actually one of my favourite ways to spend time...
We find strange porn to watch ('Having Sex With Virgin Melon'), funny vintage porn (70's hairdo's-top and bottom), look through blogs full of mens penis's and mock/laugh/admire (has, has he got a triangle shaped penis??) and generally have a catch up over general going's on ('Vikki Blows's breasts look so much bigger in this years calendar than last years-has she had a boob job?).

So naturally we decided it would be a great idea to check out a couple of these awful titled films. (Again, refer to previous post; http://madisonlachapelle.blogspot.com/2012/02/some-absurd-movies.html)

The first movie; 'Forgive Me For Raping You' is about a priest, who I believe is eventually revealed as someone imitating a priest (we were skipping through the whole thing).
He uses his power to pretend he's 'healing' or 'treating' women and rapes them and then asks afterwards 'Will you forgive me for raping you?' Bad enough until he then decides to kill them by strangling them. Nice.
Lowest and most absurb point of the film is when he just 'happens' to drive past a house where he notices a dodgy character leave through the back door.
Entering the house he finds a girl tied up and gagged where she has just been raped (Conveniant). He makes her carry out some sexual act claiming that he can't rape her because he doesn't want to be 'dirtied' by another man's...residue.
After he de-gags her she explains that her first rapist actually made her sit in a bath afterwards to get rid of his DNA or something (Scientifically incorrect as well as an ethical monstrosity). After this admission he revels in the joy that he can now rape her without getting dirty. Hurrah for him. Then kills her.

After that disturbing waste of digital space we decided to go onto something a little more adsurb and potentially more amusing. Cue; Slow Torture Puke Chamber.
This was little more amusing. Based on a porn star with bulimia on the verge of coming back from actual hell (the place where satan resides).
There's a lot of weird puking scenes with some added weeing-in-a-tub parts (I don't really get where the piss comes into it...) (Apart from maybe, taking the...)
The whole film ends up a bit like 'A Siberian Film'...someone gives birth, the baby is killed, raped and eaten. At this stage I was skipping through the movie as quickly as I could because it was just a bit much for me to stomach after all that junk food. Blah, blah, blah, the ending was a blur....

Some Absurd Movies....

I've had a packed couple of weeks, working my ass off and as a result for the last week have had the worst cold/flu that I've had in forever (sympathy please).

Despite this I've still had to continue working my ass off (a girl's work is never done, right) and have been travelling round the country worrying the commuters that I'm going to give them something... (If I was going to give them anything it would be a sharp jab to the side for invading my personal space and knocking into me constantly.)

So my usual Monday off is consisting of me trying to get to my healthy state once more....
I did a big workout this morning (V dull) to try and sweat the last of it out... Consequently I then just got tired and decided to eat a pack of biscuits and find a film to watch in bed.

Unfortunately, finding a film has been a bit of struggle as these are just a couple of awful movie titles I've come across today while looking for one;

Burlesque Massacre - Self Explanatory
Stripperland - Murder and Strippers
Bunnyman - A psycho killer, you got it, dressed as a 'bunny'
Rent A Car - Movie about, yep, renting a car.
Strip Club Slasher - Pretty much the same as the first two movies...
Zombie Christ - Yes, as it sounds... the front cover is Jesus Christ on the cross as a skeleton...
Forgive Me For Raping You - About a priest. This isn't even porn so words  can't even forgive this title...
Slow Torture Puke Chamber - I kid you not...

Reasons To Love Valentine's Day (Yes, that's what I said)

Yes, you read correctly. Reasons to love Valentine's Day. Pun not intended.

Although 'love' may be a bit on the extreme side. 'Reasons to be happy about Valentine's Day' doesn't have the same ring to it though....

I realise that being the Queen of cliché, it's a greater prediction that I was to write something Anti-Valentine's but I do like to keep people guessing :D

• Starting off with an easy one; it's a great economic boost! All those people, spending money on hotels, flowers, chocolate and other temporary gifts.... What's good for businesses is that even the (slightly bitter) single folk spend money on gifts to oneself.
  Let's face it, this may not be too interesting but it's got to be better than hearing news reporters talking about banker's bonuses all the time....
• You know those really annoying couples that you see out who are having massive PDA's? (Public Display of Affection) You know the ones. They're there when you're eating out, when you're on public transport, when you're queuing for your milk... Oh, and they're the ones who can't bare to break their linked arms/hands when you're walking down the street and there's only room for two people on the pavement and somehow you end up almost getting run over...
  Well. On Valentine's Day, you know they're going to be there! You are prepared for their constant need to be joined in some way and can be completely aware that you're going to be surrounded by them in any public place. You might even be able to plan around this by having a duvet day and surrounding yourself with violent slasher movies instead and laughing manicly when someone gets killed because they've risked themselves for their significant other.
• If you are one of those really bitter people who hate couples/anything linked with a romantic inclination then for one day people kind of expect you to be bitter. And therefore you can get away with it. It's like how the elderly can get away with being grumpy. It's acceptable.
• There's offers on chocolate everywhere.
• And wine/Champagne.
• Gifts. If you're single, you don't have to worry about buying anyone a present. If you're in a relationship then Valentine's Gifts are the easiest of the whole year... Even if you're broke you only have to draw up a handmade 'sex coupon' and pick some flowers and you're the most thoughtful person ever!
• On a more sensible note, this 'Saint's' Day is probably the best celebrated of the year in England.
  We have St. Patrick's Day; An excuse for drinking, St. George's Day; Not really celebrated, St. Nicolas's Day (Christmas); Not really about St. Nicolas, let's face it. But St. Valentine.. He was a hero! Marrying young men in secret when there was a ban on marriage*. That's something to celebrate and think about!
  
  
  *Even though there is no concrete evidence in history to support this notion, it's still a nice legend behind the Saint.