His Mother Should Have Thrown Him Out And Kept The Stork.

His mother should have thrown him out and kept the stork.....Another cracker from Mae West.

I should remember this phrase more often, as it rather sheds some slight, glimmer of humour onto the less than misbahaved men of this world.

In the days of Mae West, Hollywood Era, grace, poise, dignity and men being the leaders, what was a man's worst romantic crime?

Betrayal? Such as infidelity, lying, not consulting his partner of an important change to happen in their lives...Neglect? Abuse? Simply leaving his wife alone with the baby every evening, while he works late and then goes for social outtings with fellow male companions?

Women in those times didn't really have too much choice of whether to stand by their husbands or not...In fact they were the 'disgraced' one if they were shown to be unsupportive, so, any 'romantic crime' that was committed was soon burried under the carpet, so to speak.


I'm not sure whether the women of that era were more dignified when it came to their relationships or just more supressed....

What happens nowadays? Throw a public tantrum, post some unhappy social media updates, feel completely wronged, alone, betrayed?

Well, I think it's just the evolution of our society that's created this or perhaps, the devolution of some of the male generation....

Devolution such as the following;

-Not being courteous; opening doors, offering a hand, making sure she's warm, holding her umbrella? (Okay, that might be a little too far.)

-Making a woman think she's the one who's mad when she catches onto a lie. This is what produces specimens of psycho, bunny-boiler types!

-Respect. Lack of. When a Hollywood icon flashed a bit of cleavage, the leading man would not under any circumstance encourage her to carry on, he would look slightly bashful with a hint of luckiest-man-in-the-world to have seen such wonder. (Yes, I might be going a little too far again with the facial expressions.)

-Being a coward. You make a commitment to someone. When you faulter, don't run away. Face your commitment. Whatever level of commitment it is. And if you do choose to end it, have the grace to not start seeing someone else before it's over, don't ignore her until she ends it first and for Mae's sake, don't end it in a text!
 

Sex Toys and STI's

I recently had an experience of tackling the subject of Sexually Transmitted Infections with a new love interest.
(Do you notice how I start all my stories with 'recently'?)

Now. Before you take this as some kind of new-angle take of writing a blog about the more serious things in life or trying to 'teach' others new things, I'm not.

This is how the situation should have gone...

Me: I think before we do anything together sexually we should both make sure we're free from sti's.
Him: Yeah, I think that's a good idea.

This is how the situation actually went.... (Condensed and simplified)

Me: I want to suck your dick.
Him: I want to go down on you.

Half-naked times commence.

Me: I want to have sex with you.
Him: Okay, let me get a condom.
Me: I'm on the pill.
Him: Errrm....
Me: Oh... Are you worried about the other thing?
Him: Yes.
Me: I see. Well. But.... I don't understand, you just went down on me... If you're gonna get something... You can get it from that as well...
Him: What.

At this point I explain that sexual fluids are sexual fluids and have to break it to him that you can still get aids just from giving oral sex. Sigh. Making him feel stupid. Feel like a bitch.

Him: Well, since my last STI check-up I've used a condom everytime I've had sex.
Me: Yes but I've only had sex with a girl wearing a strap on since I last had a check-up. And she's a porn star. They have to be checked all the time and be safe....I'm pretty sure you can't catch an STI from a strap-on! (Sigh. I'm being a bitch again.)
Him: .....


And now it's almost Christmas. I have to try and get a sex-test around the Christmas period.

It's going to be ages before I can have sex.

I feel like I'm living in a, safe-sex at the holidays, booklet...

Father Christmas's Guide To Safe Holiday Sex!  

I think I'm onto a winner...

Another Week, Another Adventure

I don't even know where to begin with my week.
I've been insanely busy. Partying. Ha. It's a hard life I lead right?!

In seriousness though, I have been working stupid amounts.

And Christmas is coming soon right!
I haven't even had a chance to devise a little Christmas list of my own, let alone, shop for other people!
(That should be the other way round though, shouldn't it?)(Yes, I'm selfish.)


So, one of my days this week carried it's usual mix of surrealism and strange reality.

I was at a themed studio all day, that's weirdly enough ran by a member of a famous metal band. (Very odd.)The studio is beautiful. It's a set of themed rooms, a gothic style bedroom chamber, a prison cell, a big elegant-gothic style lounge area, an office, a bar and an American diner. Oh and a dungeon/torture chamber room.

I kept wishing the bar was real. And there was a fake frothy milkshake with straws that I just wanted to be a real vanilla ice-cream float. (I even tried sucking on it just in case...)(No pun intended.)


Anyway, so we were there shooting porn again, obviously, I was not in the porn, I am just the make-up artist.


Now, we'd been up since 8am, I'm not used to the early hours, by the time we'd got to the studio and done all the make-up and set-up, it was gone midday.
I needed a nap badly. And I was cold. (Air-con in a place where people are predominantly naked, someone please explain?)
So I sought comfort on the nearest comfy spot; a torture style, leather-effect bed. Complete with a wooden cage underneath. Yep. I took my nap in the torture chamber. Glamourous.

Obviously after my nap I was a happy kitten and decided to be sociable again and see what's going on.... Apply some more make-up...... Decide to play on the sex swing hanging from the ceiling......