I've been in more laps than a napkin

Through speaking to one of my friend's today I have realised the way to progress my relationships.


'Sleep with them straight away.'



NB: No, I don't understand either.

It's official, good men don't turn me on

I've fallen into a pattern recently with 'The Good Guys'.

Everytime I think that there's a possibility that I'm not going to get screwed over (not in the good way) there's a shift.
Sooner than I can say 'Karma Sutra' a mental chastity belt has landed right over the top of my Agent Provocateur's.

Before long I've placed so much meaning on it that even a Purity leader would be questionning my reasons.
I start thinking that I've just lost my sex drive and it's down to being part of the 'Prozac Nation'....

And then I end up answering the door to a Jehover's Witness not wearing any underwear and telling them I've just been having sex for the last 5 hours.

Progress? I think not.

How can you tell these days who's worth your sweet time?

These days my thoughts on whether a man is suitable for me are based on remedial things such as whether he's a cat or a dog person.
If a dog's behavior is anything to go by (which let's face it, dogs and their owners are usually like twins) then I'd rather pass on a long, wet tongue falling about in my mouth with drool hanging down my chin.
Or worse yet, being licked.
On my face.


Call me old-fashioned but I'm still impressed with a man who can take me places. Literally. Obviously I'd like him to take me to a higher realm of intense pleasure but other than that I'm still bowled over by a certain gentleman working towards his pilot's license.
Yes, he flies planes! I do realise that he doesn't actually have his own plane and he's in copious amounts of debt from this but still. He flies!!

If he can handle a device of that size and intricacy then he's already got one up on all the men who can't even handle a tin-opener.

Crazy? Me?

So.... today I understood for the first time why people in the movies and on tv usually lie down when they have therapy.
It's so godamn tiring!!

Do YOU know how old you were in your earliest memory?!

Relationships? Who wants one of those?

What is wrong with me? There must be something built into my senses, do not fall for the good guy.

It's the worst clichee and completely outdated but I fall for the bad boy every time.


Part of me thinks that really I'm just too scared of meeting someone perfect. I have too many flaws and strange habbits that could easily lead someone to hit me over the head with one of my many spiked stillettos.


No one tells you when you have to grow up. For years I've thought that I've just been too scared to leave my childhood behind and bam! Guess what, I'm now in my twenties and still watch episodes of care bears to relax.
Does one usually have to give up such childhood pleasures in order to succeed in a relationship?




Can I still stay up til the early hours of the morning eating popcorn and ice-cream? Will I no longer be able to get away with eating sweets for breakfast? Would I be able to continue wearing as many colours in one outfit as possible?



These are just some of the questions I'm faced with and I don't think I'm ready to try and answer them.

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Mae West

A hard man is good to find.

A man has one hundred dollars and you leave him with two dollars, that's subtraction.

A man's kiss is his signature.

-A woman in love can't be reasonable - or she probably wouldn't be in love.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.

Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

Cultivate your curves - they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided.

Don't keep a man guessing too long - he's sure to find the answer somewhere else.

Don't marry a man to reform him - that's what reform schools are for.

Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can't figure out what from.

Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.

He who hesitates is a damned fool.

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.

His mother should have thrown him out and kept the stork.

I always say, keep a diary and someday it'll keep you.

I believe that it's better to be looked over than it is to be overlooked.

I didn't discover curves; I only uncovered them.

I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.

I like a man who's good, but not too good - for the good die young, and I hate a dead one.

I like restraint, if it doesn't go too far.

I never loved another person the way I loved myself.

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.

I only like two kinds of men, domestic and imported.

I see you're a man with ideals. I better be going before you've still got them.

I speak two languages, Body and English.

I'd like to see Paris before I die. Philadelphia will do.

I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure.

I'm a woman of very few words, but lots of action.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

I've been in more laps than a napkin.

It isn't what I do, but how I do it. It isn't what I say, but how I say it, and how I look when I do it and say it.

It takes two to get one in trouble.

Look your best - who said love is blind?

Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.

Love isn't an emotion or an instinct - it's an art.

Love thy neighbor - and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

Opportunity knocks for every man, but you have to give a woman a ring.

Personality is the glitter that sends your little gleam across the footlights and the orchestra pit into that big black space where the audience is.

Personally, I like two types of men - domestic and foreign.

Save a boyfriend for a rainy day - and another, in case it doesn't rain.

Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I'm tired.

The best way to hold a man is in your arms.

To err is human, but it feels divine.

When I'm good I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better.

When women go wrong, men go right after them.

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

Tipping point of life

My experience with death rings out almost exactly as the book/play 'An Inspector Calls'.
The book where one family has a profound effect on a woman's suicide and no one can establish who the fault lay with.
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-First of all the father, the head of the family, fired her from his workhouse after all the workers went on strike. He denies any involvement.

-Next, the daughter of the family was helped by her in a department store. When being jealous of the pretty worker because the dress she tried on was awful and she knew the woman would look perfect in it, she had her fired. She told her bosses that she was rude and that if they didn't fire her she'd make sure they no longer got her family's custom.

-Next, the eldest daughter's fiancee admitted to hiring her as a prostitute and after promised to 'save her'. He put her up in an apartment and gave her an allowance for food, etc. He kept her as his silent mistress and shamelessly decided to throw her out shortly after deciding he would propose to the woman he was courting.

-The mother, then realises that she has also had an encounter with her. Under a false name the woman came to the mother at the charity she runs to help women.
The woman by this time was pregnant and told her that she wouldn't except any money from the father as it was stolen.
She was desperate and penniless but the mother convinced the rest of the workers at the charity that then woman was lying about her story and turned her away. The mother refuses responsibility and says the blame lies with the father of the baby.

-Finally, the son of the family admitted that he was the one who made the woman pregnant after meeting her out one night. He explains that he forced himself upon her even though she refused to have sex with him. It's unspoken truth that he raped her.
When he found out she was pregnant he stole money from his father's business to pay her off but she refused the stolen money.

At having no help, the woman poisoned herself with bleach, she and her unborn child died.
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The tipping scales for my suicide came when a heartless boy (he's definitely not worthy of being called a man) aggrevated my thoughts and made fun of my desperate attempts to be saved.

A friend didn't do what she could to save me from the drugs poisoning me further.

Previous to this, so many events contributed to the end. A big one being a boyfriend split up with me disrespectfully and having his new girlfriend begin a tirade of abuse against me.
He didn't help me one time I reached out for help. This made me lose faith in people.

Boyfriends treating me horribly, believing I was worthless and taking drugs and drinking to escape, being let down too many times, losing faith, having friends not care, having friends go away and beliving that I belonged with a group of low-lifes.

Cause and effect, one thing after another that at the final point was a small, final tip of the scales that caused me to give it all up.