Men Are Like Buses

Men are like buses. None at all and then several at once. V frustrating.

Especially with the reappearance of my ex. He'd be the equivalent of a bus turning up that's not going where I want to go.

So. The Ex. He's trying to turn his charm onto me. Playing the wounded soldier.
I couldn't go back though. I re-thought my stance on having children for him when he suddenly announced that he definitely wanted kids in his future.
Are you crazy Madison??!
Yes, yes I was. Crazy in love. Blergh. I'd never reconsidered this before.
Although, it'd never been an issue before as none of my previous exes had ever wanted children either.

Thankfully though, I won't be falling for it this time! Oh, no! He can hold onto his phone number and I'll hold onto my eggs. Ta.

Everytime I See or Hear Someone Giving Birth On TV.....

....It makes my fallopian tubes tie themselves in a knot.

To Die By Your Side Is Such A Heavenly Way To Die...

I used to think that love would be something that would come easily.
It did come easily.
I've fallen in love several times, each time more intense than the last. Each time realising that love isn't something that just happens, just like happiness isn't something that just happens... It continues and it either grows or wilts and fades away...

My parents for instance. They were my true life fairytale.
Met at a New Years party.
My mother was there feeling a bit down, she'd recently been dumped by her fiancee, the supposed love of her life.
My father was ten years older than her.
Less than eleven months later they're getting married and my mother is already 2 months pregnant with my sister.... (I'm not going to say the figures but they're almost at their ruby anniversary now )

I thought this was true love. Fast, intense and lasting.
Until one day I asked my parents how my dad had proposed.... Expecting some grand story I was severely disappointed....
Dad: I didn't ask her to marry me...
Me: What do you mean?!
Mum: Well, we just decided to get married.
Me: You...decided?
Dad: Yes, we wanted to run a pub together and in those days you had to be married.
Me: ....

Pretty much the day when my dreams were shot down.
Anyhow. I soon realised that love isn't really as simple as everyone would like you to believe.

Like now. I want to be with someone so desperately. It just isn't that simple...

Old. Young. New. Love.

Le Sigh.

Loving someone is a right old pain in the ass sometimes... I'm sure I could come up with a thousand different song lyrics to express myself right now but A) I'm not a teenage girl and B) He wouldn't like any of the songs I'd use anyway...

In other news, I'm working with a 52 year old model tomorrow. I'm not quite sure how to gauge this... I'm definitely not an anti-ageist when it comes to models but I have seen a few who definitely don't seem to be in the right field and this being a boudoir photoshoot I wonder how this will go.

Time to be enlightened!

Seeing Your Estranged Ex....

....brings about the same feelings as when there are people on a train near you punching walls, swearing and shouting abuse at people...

I don't think I need to explain further?

Forgive Me For Valentine's Day....

Had a typically clichéd girl Valentine's Day. Was actually rather unintentional.

We were like Lady and the Tramp but instead of Spaghetti Meatballs we had Curly Fries.
We sipped pink Champagne (until we ran out and reverted to boxed white wine) and ate sweets while watching that new Keira Knightly movie with all the spanking scenes... V lovely.

By the time we'd watched the film the Champagne was gone and I told my girl about those unfortunate movies I'd found (refer to last blog post).

People might think that we engage in strange activities together but it's actually one of my favourite ways to spend time...
We find strange porn to watch ('Having Sex With Virgin Melon'), funny vintage porn (70's hairdo's-top and bottom), look through blogs full of mens penis's and mock/laugh/admire (has, has he got a triangle shaped penis??) and generally have a catch up over general going's on ('Vikki Blows's breasts look so much bigger in this years calendar than last years-has she had a boob job?).

So naturally we decided it would be a great idea to check out a couple of these awful titled films. (Again, refer to previous post; http://madisonlachapelle.blogspot.com/2012/02/some-absurd-movies.html)

The first movie; 'Forgive Me For Raping You' is about a priest, who I believe is eventually revealed as someone imitating a priest (we were skipping through the whole thing).
He uses his power to pretend he's 'healing' or 'treating' women and rapes them and then asks afterwards 'Will you forgive me for raping you?' Bad enough until he then decides to kill them by strangling them. Nice.
Lowest and most absurb point of the film is when he just 'happens' to drive past a house where he notices a dodgy character leave through the back door.
Entering the house he finds a girl tied up and gagged where she has just been raped (Conveniant). He makes her carry out some sexual act claiming that he can't rape her because he doesn't want to be 'dirtied' by another man's...residue.
After he de-gags her she explains that her first rapist actually made her sit in a bath afterwards to get rid of his DNA or something (Scientifically incorrect as well as an ethical monstrosity). After this admission he revels in the joy that he can now rape her without getting dirty. Hurrah for him. Then kills her.

After that disturbing waste of digital space we decided to go onto something a little more adsurb and potentially more amusing. Cue; Slow Torture Puke Chamber.
This was little more amusing. Based on a porn star with bulimia on the verge of coming back from actual hell (the place where satan resides).
There's a lot of weird puking scenes with some added weeing-in-a-tub parts (I don't really get where the piss comes into it...) (Apart from maybe, taking the...)
The whole film ends up a bit like 'A Siberian Film'...someone gives birth, the baby is killed, raped and eaten. At this stage I was skipping through the movie as quickly as I could because it was just a bit much for me to stomach after all that junk food. Blah, blah, blah, the ending was a blur....

Some Absurd Movies....

I've had a packed couple of weeks, working my ass off and as a result for the last week have had the worst cold/flu that I've had in forever (sympathy please).

Despite this I've still had to continue working my ass off (a girl's work is never done, right) and have been travelling round the country worrying the commuters that I'm going to give them something... (If I was going to give them anything it would be a sharp jab to the side for invading my personal space and knocking into me constantly.)

So my usual Monday off is consisting of me trying to get to my healthy state once more....
I did a big workout this morning (V dull) to try and sweat the last of it out... Consequently I then just got tired and decided to eat a pack of biscuits and find a film to watch in bed.

Unfortunately, finding a film has been a bit of struggle as these are just a couple of awful movie titles I've come across today while looking for one;

Burlesque Massacre - Self Explanatory
Stripperland - Murder and Strippers
Bunnyman - A psycho killer, you got it, dressed as a 'bunny'
Rent A Car - Movie about, yep, renting a car.
Strip Club Slasher - Pretty much the same as the first two movies...
Zombie Christ - Yes, as it sounds... the front cover is Jesus Christ on the cross as a skeleton...
Forgive Me For Raping You - About a priest. This isn't even porn so words  can't even forgive this title...
Slow Torture Puke Chamber - I kid you not...