Lynx For Women

Dear lord, what fresh hell is this?

Lynx for WOMEN. I can't imagine how a fragrance that appears to be made for men by men can translate into a women's fragrance...

As I got Tweeted today; Lynx is for boys who want to cover up the smell of masturbating in their room.

Well said.

Men Are Like Buses

Men are like buses. None at all and then several at once. V frustrating.

Especially with the reappearance of my ex. He'd be the equivalent of a bus turning up that's not going where I want to go.

So. The Ex. He's trying to turn his charm onto me. Playing the wounded soldier.
I couldn't go back though. I re-thought my stance on having children for him when he suddenly announced that he definitely wanted kids in his future.
Are you crazy Madison??!
Yes, yes I was. Crazy in love. Blergh. I'd never reconsidered this before.
Although, it'd never been an issue before as none of my previous exes had ever wanted children either.

Thankfully though, I won't be falling for it this time! Oh, no! He can hold onto his phone number and I'll hold onto my eggs. Ta.

Seeing Your Estranged Ex....

....brings about the same feelings as when there are people on a train near you punching walls, swearing and shouting abuse at people...

I don't think I need to explain further?

Cat Watching To Bird Watching....

I'm wondering if being a 'crazy cat lady' isn't the worst fate to have.

I wave at a cat outside the window and my mother screeches at me;
'No! You'll scare the Robins!'
Bird watching? Really? Is that what comes when you get bored of cats?

One more thing too worry about getting old...

I bought my first Wonderbra....

...I'm wondering if I can go round saying 'Hello Boys' in a seductive manner now?

I need to get my single girl shit together.

Things My Friends Go Through

My friend started seeing a guy who had 'issues' with sex.

He named her vagina Margaret and calls his penis Derrick.

It's like an episode of Sex and The City. (The one where a middle-aged man is trying to overcome erectile disfunction.)

And like How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days... Name a guy's penis if you want him to run in the opposite directon.


There was the talk as well...

'I want you to touch Derrick, do you want me to touch Margaret?'

Irony...

...Is when you basically just have an argument because you realise you're falling in love.

Aside from that I had a cracker of a compliment from a guy a while ago...


'It's like Lego penis and vagina.'

Well That Worked Well...

I tried in vain to have a crush on someone to distract myself from my lover....

Turned out he's only eighteen.
And 'bisexual'... Well, I think he's more gay...





Don't think I need to say anymore than that really....

Just A Thought...

In this day and age, why are women still labelled as 'Miss' and 'Mrs' yet men have no such devide?


DISLIKE.

I want Audrey Hepburn's eyebrows

Definition Of Glamour?

I'm wearing one sock and one slipper. It's a glamorous life I lead....

R.I.P Burt

Think my fave vibrator has given up the will to live :(

Oh QVC, My Friend....

With my exciting day I'm basking in the warmth in my living room with lots of tea. And watching QVC.

Yep. my life is so exciting that I seek QVC for amusement.
Birkenstock show. In my opinion Birkenstock's are the most unattractive shoe in the world. After those hideous rubber clog creations; Crocks.

The model has a short big toe. Her other toes are shooting off into a different shoe size. It's really disturbing for me to watch. Like, so bad that you're compelled to watch?

I have this longing desire to go to Paris and smoke long, thin cigarettes...

My friends have started to note that I've been single a long time. They want me to fall in love. Bless.

Just Follow Me...

So, for the first time in my life the other day I managed to get into a club where I wasn't on the guestlist.

Ok, it was a bar.


And there was no guestlist.
I just didn't have any I.D.

But I did get refused initially until one of the bouncers took pity on me and questioned my peers about my age.
I didn't really know what was going on. I was just told 'Just follow me!'

Dazed and confused I walked up to the bouncer again. And carried on walking. Fabulous!


Now who do I have to shag around here to get a drink?

Crazy? Me?

So.... today I understood for the first time why people in the movies and on tv usually lie down when they have therapy.
It's so godamn tiring!!

Do YOU know how old you were in your earliest memory?!