Ramble and Bamble

I don't even know where to start on my escapades of late.

They involve;

-Being on the set of a glamour shoot and watching some live porn (Cue, jealousy from all the 19/20 year old guys I work with.)

-Hanging out with a pretty famous rockstar (not naming anyone) and him giving me a lift home... to my shitty little town. (Yup. Bit weird.)

-Basically having sex with a girl for the first time (Although, I wonder how you define having sex with a girl if you're a girl? I mean, unless you have a strap-on, there's not really any penetration... Help?)


On the plus side though, these small fabulous moments in my life are taking away the flailing groan of my usual tragic life.

Like Internet Dating.

Yes. Internet Dating. You heard. And yes. I'm giving the term capital letters.


To throw in some more of the usual events though, I tried to make my friend a dinosaur birthday cake. I got cocky. Cake=1 - Madison=0  

Lovers Come And Lovers Go

My lover. You know. The one with the girlfriend.

That came to an end point of late.

Not because we had some huge argument or because there was some kind of Coronation Street/Eastenders show down of all parties involved.

It was just because he didn't have time for me as well as her.

In this I'd like to state that I ended this. Not him.
I draw point to this to make it clear;

Never, ever, let a man have you hanging on.
Never be with someone who gives you less than you want.


Sorry to be a bit more of some kind of 'girl-power' ego personality than usual but you know, it's life and go suck on my dildo if you don't like it. Hmph.

Morning Wake Up

After a very late night of partying and being flirtacious I ended up in a hotel.
Now, I'd just like to let you know, this isn't one of those horror stories of 'Oh my God, I woke up with this guy and I thought he was a different guy and what was I thinking?!'

No.

Although maybe on reflection this may be more interesting....

Nope. I wake up, open the curtains to let in some light so I can find my bra.
I notice rain marks on the window. Bitcherella, I only have shorts and flip flops with me. I pull back the net curtain to try and see whether the rain is going to make me look like an absolute twat.

Hmmm.... I can't seem to tell, there's a building in front of me and not much else...

Oh wait. What. Wait.

OH CHRIST.
I dive for the bed.

Yes. Outside the window. In the opposite building are office workers. Three floors directly in line with my window. And all the office workers are facing towards their window.

Oh, did I neglect to say one small thing? Yes, yes that's right, I am naked!
A whole office has just seen me naked!

What a way to start the day...

Things My Friends Go Through

My friend started seeing a guy who had 'issues' with sex.

He named her vagina Margaret and calls his penis Derrick.

It's like an episode of Sex and The City. (The one where a middle-aged man is trying to overcome erectile disfunction.)

And like How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days... Name a guy's penis if you want him to run in the opposite directon.


There was the talk as well...

'I want you to touch Derrick, do you want me to touch Margaret?'

A Tribute To My Longest Lover

Ode to Burt.

You've been there for me for nearly 6 years now.
I remember when I first met you, shiny and new. You spent time with me and my boyfriend and introduced me to new fun things.

Boyfriends have come and gone yet you've stayed with me all along.
You kept me busy when I had no one else around and didn't get upset when I left you alone.
I thought I'd hurt you so many times too but you powered on through, making sure I wasn't ever left unhappy.

Six years! You're the longest relationship I've ever had!
Nothing has ever been able to compare to you and I'm sorry for all the times I tried to replace you with something new.

You can handle my boredom, handle my frustration, handle my excitement.

I don't tell you enough Burt, but I do love you so. I'll be so sad, the day that you go.

Long live Burt, the best vibrating rabbit a girl could have.

First, Second, Third?

I was thinking about my first kiss the other day. Nothing too inspiring or thought-provoking. Not exactly a core-shaker.

However, I've just thought about my 'timeline of events' and I've just realised that actually, that can't have been my first kiss. I think I was mistaking it for my first boyfriend...
Yep, went out with the guy for 3 weeks before getting bored and finding someone new.


So what's the problem, just a little misunderstanding, understandable considering it was longer ago than last month...

Well, now trying to recall...Who the hell was my first kiss?


There was a guy I was 'going out with', nicknamed him 'Kent'. (The clue's there, I'm not giving away his identity.)
I remember we did...other stuff... Did we kiss? We must have done. Kissing comes before everything else right? Hmmm....


I realise this kind of mental block may not be an inspiring topic or even very amusing.... Who was your first kiss? Do you remember it unlike me??

Irony...

...Is when you basically just have an argument because you realise you're falling in love.

Aside from that I had a cracker of a compliment from a guy a while ago...


'It's like Lego penis and vagina.'