Reasons To Love Valentine's Day (Yes, that's what I said)

Yes, you read correctly. Reasons to love Valentine's Day. Pun not intended.

Although 'love' may be a bit on the extreme side. 'Reasons to be happy about Valentine's Day' doesn't have the same ring to it though....

I realise that being the Queen of cliché, it's a greater prediction that I was to write something Anti-Valentine's but I do like to keep people guessing :D

• Starting off with an easy one; it's a great economic boost! All those people, spending money on hotels, flowers, chocolate and other temporary gifts.... What's good for businesses is that even the (slightly bitter) single folk spend money on gifts to oneself.
  Let's face it, this may not be too interesting but it's got to be better than hearing news reporters talking about banker's bonuses all the time....
• You know those really annoying couples that you see out who are having massive PDA's? (Public Display of Affection) You know the ones. They're there when you're eating out, when you're on public transport, when you're queuing for your milk... Oh, and they're the ones who can't bare to break their linked arms/hands when you're walking down the street and there's only room for two people on the pavement and somehow you end up almost getting run over...
  Well. On Valentine's Day, you know they're going to be there! You are prepared for their constant need to be joined in some way and can be completely aware that you're going to be surrounded by them in any public place. You might even be able to plan around this by having a duvet day and surrounding yourself with violent slasher movies instead and laughing manicly when someone gets killed because they've risked themselves for their significant other.
• If you are one of those really bitter people who hate couples/anything linked with a romantic inclination then for one day people kind of expect you to be bitter. And therefore you can get away with it. It's like how the elderly can get away with being grumpy. It's acceptable.
• There's offers on chocolate everywhere.
• And wine/Champagne.
• Gifts. If you're single, you don't have to worry about buying anyone a present. If you're in a relationship then Valentine's Gifts are the easiest of the whole year... Even if you're broke you only have to draw up a handmade 'sex coupon' and pick some flowers and you're the most thoughtful person ever!
• On a more sensible note, this 'Saint's' Day is probably the best celebrated of the year in England.
  We have St. Patrick's Day; An excuse for drinking, St. George's Day; Not really celebrated, St. Nicolas's Day (Christmas); Not really about St. Nicolas, let's face it. But St. Valentine.. He was a hero! Marrying young men in secret when there was a ban on marriage*. That's something to celebrate and think about!
  
  
  *Even though there is no concrete evidence in history to support this notion, it's still a nice legend behind the Saint.

Cat Watching To Bird Watching....

I'm wondering if being a 'crazy cat lady' isn't the worst fate to have.

I wave at a cat outside the window and my mother screeches at me;
'No! You'll scare the Robins!'
Bird watching? Really? Is that what comes when you get bored of cats?

One more thing too worry about getting old...

To Sex Or Not To Sex?

I was made to think recently about my vivid sex life and what's worse, was made to question it.

I don't have my beliefs questioned too often so it's not something I have to contend with much; I'm friends with like-minded, lovely people, I work for an industry that is based around sex, I grew up reading Cosmopolitan and Scarlet magazine, telling me it was okay to like sex. Having an orgasm is not a bad thing!

On this instance though I had to tune into my pro-feminism mind and reassess my actions, asking myself things such as;

-Why have I had sex with the number of people I have?

-Surely it's inevitable that people rack up a certain amount of sexual partners if you haven't been in a long-term relationship?

-When I'm starting to see someone, why is sex included so quickly?

-Do I think sex is an emotionless act?

I'm, obviously, not the kind of person to treasure sex as a sacred thing between two people to be betroved and I'm doubtless that I have been exposed to such an amount of sexual content in media that I've been desensitised to some extent.

However, this does not mean that I go around screwing anything with a pulse, that I am any less of a person than anyone else, that I am not to be trusted, that I am inconsistant or can't commit and that I don't care about the person who I have sex with, amongst other horrendous assumptions.

Not only do I get labelled with these assumptions because of the quantity of people I've had sexual relations with but because, worst of all, I talk about it.
(To be clear, when talking about it, no one would really know if I was talking about my experiences with the same person or whether my experiences were with different people.)

Yes. I talk about sex. With my girlfriends I talk about funny things that happen, about when odd things happen, when things happen in general!

With anybody I will happily reference sex, happily be open that I masturbate (This is never an issue for men and they even go as far as to say 'I'm going for a wank'.), that I used to test Sex Toys (it's a job that people have to do!), happy to correct common generalisations about how females view sex...
I just don't understand how in this day and age, where we talk about drugs, murder, global warming, war and where songs, that are frequently aimed at the generation of people who partaking in sex is illegal for, are littered with sexual innuendos, how it is still taboo/looked down on for a twenty-something girl to talk about her sexual encounters.

I feel like it's almost like religion... We're all happy to live together, happy that other people have different beliefs but some individuals ruin it by choosing to enforce their beliefs onto other people.

Anyway, this single girl is no longer single (sorry), so once again I can be put in the 'can be trusted' box....

Either way, I'm not going to stop being who I am. People can see me as some kind of insensitive and callous person but I know I'm just a wild, free-spirit.
I know I follow my heart and at the end of the day, your heart still connects to your clitoris!

I bought my first Wonderbra....

...I'm wondering if I can go round saying 'Hello Boys' in a seductive manner now?

New Years Ass

I worked last night so was consequently bored out of my mind all night.

I amused myself by keeping at a carefully balanced high of American sweets, vodka, Champage, beer and Red Bull....

Got home around 2.30am and after having a shower decided it would be a good time to change my sheets and flip my mattress....

After almost breaking about twenty things in process of said mattress flipping, I finished my sheets and crawled into bed just before 4am. Erg.

Happy New Year!

His Mother Should Have Thrown Him Out And Kept The Stork.

His mother should have thrown him out and kept the stork.....Another cracker from Mae West.

I should remember this phrase more often, as it rather sheds some slight, glimmer of humour onto the less than misbahaved men of this world.

In the days of Mae West, Hollywood Era, grace, poise, dignity and men being the leaders, what was a man's worst romantic crime?

Betrayal? Such as infidelity, lying, not consulting his partner of an important change to happen in their lives...Neglect? Abuse? Simply leaving his wife alone with the baby every evening, while he works late and then goes for social outtings with fellow male companions?

Women in those times didn't really have too much choice of whether to stand by their husbands or not...In fact they were the 'disgraced' one if they were shown to be unsupportive, so, any 'romantic crime' that was committed was soon burried under the carpet, so to speak.


I'm not sure whether the women of that era were more dignified when it came to their relationships or just more supressed....

What happens nowadays? Throw a public tantrum, post some unhappy social media updates, feel completely wronged, alone, betrayed?

Well, I think it's just the evolution of our society that's created this or perhaps, the devolution of some of the male generation....

Devolution such as the following;

-Not being courteous; opening doors, offering a hand, making sure she's warm, holding her umbrella? (Okay, that might be a little too far.)

-Making a woman think she's the one who's mad when she catches onto a lie. This is what produces specimens of psycho, bunny-boiler types!

-Respect. Lack of. When a Hollywood icon flashed a bit of cleavage, the leading man would not under any circumstance encourage her to carry on, he would look slightly bashful with a hint of luckiest-man-in-the-world to have seen such wonder. (Yes, I might be going a little too far again with the facial expressions.)

-Being a coward. You make a commitment to someone. When you faulter, don't run away. Face your commitment. Whatever level of commitment it is. And if you do choose to end it, have the grace to not start seeing someone else before it's over, don't ignore her until she ends it first and for Mae's sake, don't end it in a text!
 

Sex Toys and STI's

I recently had an experience of tackling the subject of Sexually Transmitted Infections with a new love interest.
(Do you notice how I start all my stories with 'recently'?)

Now. Before you take this as some kind of new-angle take of writing a blog about the more serious things in life or trying to 'teach' others new things, I'm not.

This is how the situation should have gone...

Me: I think before we do anything together sexually we should both make sure we're free from sti's.
Him: Yeah, I think that's a good idea.

This is how the situation actually went.... (Condensed and simplified)

Me: I want to suck your dick.
Him: I want to go down on you.

Half-naked times commence.

Me: I want to have sex with you.
Him: Okay, let me get a condom.
Me: I'm on the pill.
Him: Errrm....
Me: Oh... Are you worried about the other thing?
Him: Yes.
Me: I see. Well. But.... I don't understand, you just went down on me... If you're gonna get something... You can get it from that as well...
Him: What.

At this point I explain that sexual fluids are sexual fluids and have to break it to him that you can still get aids just from giving oral sex. Sigh. Making him feel stupid. Feel like a bitch.

Him: Well, since my last STI check-up I've used a condom everytime I've had sex.
Me: Yes but I've only had sex with a girl wearing a strap on since I last had a check-up. And she's a porn star. They have to be checked all the time and be safe....I'm pretty sure you can't catch an STI from a strap-on! (Sigh. I'm being a bitch again.)
Him: .....


And now it's almost Christmas. I have to try and get a sex-test around the Christmas period.

It's going to be ages before I can have sex.

I feel like I'm living in a, safe-sex at the holidays, booklet...

Father Christmas's Guide To Safe Holiday Sex!  

I think I'm onto a winner...