I want Audrey Hepburn's eyebrows

Sentimental Mumbo-Jumbo (There Might Be A Point In There Somewhere)

Although it would be more than fitting if I were to drive a beautifully sleek convertible car, I'm afraid to say that actually, my way of getting to work... is cycling.

Now, I'd love to make out that this is down to being a super, mega, ethical, eco-babe.

It's not.


So this week, so far, I've cycled 74 miles. This sounds a lot but actually it's clearly not enough to shift my few extra pounds I have floating around my hips.

Anyway, this wasn't a post to complain about my personal body image. It was actually to rejoice on my motivational will-power to cycle that far everyday.

I'm not going to lie, it's not the most dignified of activities...slogging up a hill... holding on for dear life when going down a hill....

But it is feel-good. And the wind in my face (when it's not blowing bits of tree or flies into my mouth) feels amazing, freeing, just like I'm flying.

It's just something that really is....wonderful.

Definition Of Glamour?

I'm wearing one sock and one slipper. It's a glamorous life I lead....

I Have A Love/Hate Relationship With.... Me?

I hate washing my hair.
I love having shaved legs.
I love having a minimal amount of pubic hair.
I hate having any more pubic hair than a Brazillian.
I love to masturbate to certain songs.
I love wearing skirts.
I love having deep, hot, baths and fully immersing myself in the water.
I love hearing the rain on my window when I'm in bed.
I hate watching the news.
I love putting on perfume before I go to bed.

R.I.P Burt

Think my fave vibrator has given up the will to live :(

I Dream A Dream....

I've recently come to describing a certain person, in my head, as dreamy.
(May I clearly point out, I'm calling them dreamy in my head- The person is not in my head).

I see his face and I literally swoon. I don't even know how to describe the act of swooning... Perhaps as a mix of swooping and groaning?

But dreamy? What point in madness must a girl be at when she's calling a guy, American Style, 'Dreamy'?

Maybe it means that I've had a brain-transplant with Barbie? And don't get me wrong, I love Barbie. I have her as a friend on FB, she's lovely. But that's how she describes Ken.

Maybe it means he's the guy for me? Or maybe it's just lust. I don't think I've been in lust for a long time...

OR, maybe it's that, finally, after all this time, I've actually lost my marbles.


Yup, that seems more likely.

Mars? Venus? Maybe Just Earth?

Men are easy creatures to figure out. I think where people, women, go wrong is that they (women) over-complicate them (men).

I mean really, I think the only frustrating thing is that sometimes I know what a man's thinking before even he realises it. Then it becomes tricky.

In all though, I find 'I thought so' a better phrase than 'I told you so'.
No one likes this phrase. No one wants to be under the impression that someone else thinks they can run your life better than you. (Although, let's face it, as an outsider, things are so much easier!)

Yes, wouldn't things be easier if there was a part of you that could see it from the outside. Truly see it. Not any of this 'What would I do if someone else was in this situation'. No. Proper outside perspective.

But then again, I'm not so sure I like the thought of telling myself 'I thought so.' Ignoring someone else is one thing but yourself?

Perhaps that's really why men and women are thought to be parts of a whole. You need someone else to tell you 'I thought so!'


P.S. Dear readers. I'm sorry for my lack of inspiration. My single-girl self has been lost in a relationship. I thought I could keep up the pretence but unfortunately, like my cleavage, this is one thing I can't fake. I promise to do better if you give me another chance. Madison.