Weird people habits

My flatmate has been in the bathroom for over an hour.

I realise this might not sound like grounds for odd (or even interesting) behaviour but there's no running water, no shower, no bath, no washing anyway. One can only presume she's hoping to go the same way as Elvis?

I just don't understand how it's possible. What do people do in there for that long? Please someone share.

Weird stuff men are into. Vol. 1

So, it's been a long a while since I posted here. Apparently 6 years. But after some deep soul searching I have been getting the urge to write once again.

Life is very different for me nowadays, mainly due to the fact that I don't get to have sex anywhere near the amount I would like to and therefore lack on witty observations of the male character.

I do have a whole host of stories from working in the sex industry though (yep, that happened) and particularly the joy of those adult 'babe' channels where (usually) men call in to women sexily draped around on various furniture. I predominantly used to be behind the camera, so observing all the odd things men used to say or request of the girls was part of the fun/amusement/job.

So first, we'll go through quite run of the mill fetish requests, you know, things that you may not have heard of but that are generally accepted genres of fetish;

• Armpits; looking at, imagining dick rubbed up against armpit and cue the girls holding up their arm and trying to look hot still while kind of just appearing that they have a scratch somewhere
• Baby oil; we went through this by the bucket loads, it looks great on camera, good for your skin, not good for your genitals and an absolute bitch to wash off your body and/or hair. Anyway, I digress. We sometimes had this little 'treat' where we had a paddling pool of water (which was a massive risk with all the electronics around I tell you), cue, loads of men whinging online that it should be baby oil and why couldn't we do baby oil and it would look so much better if it was baby oil. 
• Feet; okay, so this is a well known one but specifics which I still just can't get are; 'wrinkly soles' where the girls used to have to hold their feet up right to the camera and scrunch up their toes so the underside would become wrinkly (the word 'soles' actually still makes me shudder). Then men on the phone would then beg for a close up of said 'wrinkly soles', cue, losing 100 viewers who just want to see booty.
• Jeans; some men would absolutely beg for the girls to wear jeans which of course would then annoy all the men who just wanted to see booty. 
• Piercings; again, doesn't seem so strange but some of these guys want to see close ups of ears and get mad when you won't zoom in because..yep, you've got it, majority of men just want to watch the booty and not see video of ears while they're jacking off.
• Shoes; again, quite common, but this is specific to the much requested, shoe hanging off the toes like it's going to drop. I wish I had insight into what it is about this specific that made them go mad. 

So. Yep. I actually was intending to continue with weird stuff men are into that are less widely understood fetishes but I think this list is actually quite enough for today!

Yaaaay

I finally got round to renewing my sex toy testing membership and got sent my first one to test last weekend. Only issue now? Oh yeah. It doesn't fucking work!

I need to buy new batteries :(

Playing For The Other Team

Hola!

Yes, I realise it's been a short while since I last updated. I've been a busy bee keeping up with my work.

Of late I've given the other side of the camera a go. Yes. I have become Model De Jour. Haha.
No, really.

To be clear, I don't believe for one minute that I could ever be an actual model (although, compared to some of the people out there that call themselves 'models' I'm like Agness Deyn) so there won't be any new career aspirations for me in the future.
No, that kind of under-the-microscope scrutiny of each and every flaw that I have is not for me and not only can it be a mental pain but a physical one as well. Do you know how much work it is to contort, elongate, stretch and enhance your body? All whilst usually balancing in heels?

I didn't go into it toe first either. Straight into the deep end in underwear and suspenders! And then nothing but some tights and a belt....
Don't even get me started on the latex gloves. I have no idea how people wear dresses made of the stuff! It took me about twenty minutes to get them up my arms and then soon after they started cutting off my blood circulation....I had marks on my arms that looked like I'd be self harming for about a week afterwards.


Anyway, apart from all the negatives of posing in front of a camera it's quite fun to have all the attention on me I suppose and I like having end results that I can look back on in years to come and think 'Damn, I had a great body!'

Lost and Found

I seem to have lost my ex-boyfriend. Could somebody please find him for me?

Attire For Life

Trying to indulge my consumerist addiction on yoox.com and came across these D&G trousers....

Personally I wouldn't wear them but what got my attention was the description that came with it:

D&G

Casual Trousers

Erm, dude, I'm pretty sure these aren't casual trousers...
Yeah, I'm just gonna get some milk from the supermarket and when I'm back I'm gonna plant those flowers I've had for a while. Yeah. In my sequin trousers. What of it? They're casual.

Alice Dellal Pour Chanel

I haven't had a spelling lapse, just thought I'd write it in the language of Coco....

I just had to have a (controversial) rant about Alice Dellal for Chanel (below). Everyone's raving about how amazing it is, inclusive of laddered and holes in tights, blah, blah, blah.

But. Coco Chanel would never have had holes in her tights! Let alone let it near her fashion line!
Come on, Chanel! What were you thinking?